One thing that bugs me about Brazil.

So, life as an ex-pat is always an adventure and in most cases you have to stop comparing where you were born to where you are living, or you either end up hating where you came from, or hating where you are living. That's my best advice to ANYONE who is planning on living abroad permanently (or for an extended period of time.

Anyhow, there is one thing that drives me INSANE about Brazil. Particularly interior Brazil, and that thing is the availability of tampons (or lack thereof) and the role of women in society.

First of all, tampons. I'm a good old American girl who can't stand pads. I hate them. I feel like I'm wearing a diaper and to make matters worse, its a million degrees and humid in Rondônia and i can't imagine a better combination for breeding bacteria and fungus than hot, wet, humid, sweaty PLUS a pad. Reason #20398098409534 for why I don't understand WHY Brazilian women don't prefer tampons.

Anyhow, whenever I need to go to the store to pick up tampons, it's always an adventure. They are (that is, if the store actually carries them) usually hidden on the bottom shelf behind a bunch of other things, out of view. To make matters worse, they are absurdly expensive (pads are about R$2 while tampons are about R$9 for the same quantity). And finally, as I make my way around the grocery store finishing up my other purchases and finally making my way to the checkout, I feel like I am doing something wrong. The lady (god forbid I choose a lane with a male cashier) always looks at me like I am sinning and quickly hides them in a bag, or multiple plastic bags, to save me from the shame of being seen with tampons.

In a more than a few conversations with my female friends I've come to the conclusion that women here don't use tampons because they simply don't know HOW. I had a friend tell me she thought it made no sense to use tampons because you had to take them out every time you needed to pee. She also told me that it hurt to use and she was terrified that it would get lost inside of her the few times she tried so she completely abandoned the idea altogether. This whole conversation worried me more than a little bit because 1) she doesn't know her own body... she thought her urethra and her vagina were the same thing 2) because she was obviously using the tampon incorrectly due to the pain and 3) I have no idea why she thinks it will get lost inside of her as in all my years of using tampons, I have never had a string break or have one go missing.

This leads me to the second part of this blog entry, the role of women in society.

These three problems that I have just highlighted are due to lack of INFORMATION! I get so irritated when things like sex and menstruation are simply avoided in schools and mother-daughter conversations because they are essential for women to have self-worth and feel reassured that they have a strong place in society. This obviously doesn't just happen in Brazil but also in the United States, but I feel that it is much more taboo in Rondônia than in Pennsylvania.

I took this moment to sit down and have a few important conversations with my 20 something year old Brazilian friend about her body, about how it's totally OK to use tampons and how it doesn't take away your virginity (she's married, but I still thought it was important for her to understand this point) and I gave her step-by-step (verbal, of course) instructions on how to properly use tampons, including the fact that you CAN PEE when you are wearing one.

I'm lucky to have had a mother who explained everything to me without imaginary stories of storks and was not afraid to help me to learn about my own body, my sexuality and even bought me my first box of condoms which were hidden in the back of our bathroom cupboard (obviously accompanied by a loooooong talk about healthy relationships, how sex, even with condoms, is risking your health, how its a BIIIG decision, etc....). It is because of these open and frank discussions, I believe, that I was the only girl out of my group of friends who did not smoke, who didn't drink, who didn't use drugs, who didn't have sex (until I was muccch older) and usually was the one everyone confided in when their boyfriends beat them or demanded sex when they didn't want it.

I continue to remind myself, however, that I live not only in a country that still is a bit "behind" as far as society roles go, and to make matters more complicated, I live in a very conservative, rural area in which women are expected to cede to their husband's orders and there is more than one church that says that women who wear shorts or pants or cut their hair are sinners. Brazil has come a long way (there are women as business owners, politicians, school directors, doctors, lawyers, etc...) but the country still has a long way to go, especially in the frontier zones.

It's moments like these that help me to stop and appreciate how lucky I am that my husband lived in the US for long enough that he realizes it's OK to let your wife go out with her girlfriends for a drink (which I do not have ONE male relative that thinks that is even a possibility), that it's OK to let her go to the gym on her own (I have a friend who's husband won't even let her go unless it's a 100% female gym....) and that its OK for men to cook and clean (which most of my male relatives here scoff at the idea at even being asked to wash a dish.) Although H has learned a lot as a result of his time abroad, he still is at heart, Brazilian, and this causes tension in our relationship from time to time. Interestingly, I have found the more I stand up for myself, the more respect I get in return (even though it may cause a bit of a quarrel at that given moment). That being said, I have been learning to pick my fights carefully when in pubic in order to respect the local culture as much as possible, thus avoiding embarrassing moments for both H and I, and I we choose a better moment to discuss what happened, what either one of us didn't like and try to come to an agreement on how to handle such instances in the future. This is a HUGE exercise of patience and humility for the both of us but it's worth every tongue-biting second of it.

So, even though these two things bug me about Brazil, tampons and the role of women in society, I still love life here. I take advantage of every opportunity to talk about respect, love and following your dreams, especially to young girls. I talk about the importance of healthy relationships and waiting to have sex, but not MAKING THEM FEEL BAD if they choose or have already chosen to. Girls (and boys) need a healthy environment to make their own decisions and healthy environments are created as a result of open conversations with real, unbiased information. It's obvious my mother did not want me to have sex, but as a result of her openness, I waited. It's obvious she didn't want me smoking marijuana, and as a result of her openness, I didn't become a user. Even when the majority of my friends were. She taught me how to use tampons and birth control instead of avoiding those discussions.

Looking back, I still didn't make all the right decisions, but I sure learned a lot and I didn't spend a lot of time lamenting the bad decisions I did make. I took care of myself and encouraged others to do the same. And, you know what, I'm feeling pretty good about where I am in life.

Thanks, Mom. :)

Scams, Malandragem and Acceptance, OH MY.

Alright, so everyone knows that Brazil is sketchy. The government is sketchy, education is sketchy, even the weather is sketchy. (See this article from Veja from last week reprinted on this blog... my internet SUCKS so trying to actually find the article on Veja's website just will take too long.)

Well, all things in order, getting internet service is also sketchy.

So, where I live, there is, of course, only ONE telephone company and ONE DSL internet provider.( No cable internet, sorry.) There are some other options such as satellite and 3G but they are expensive and a pain in the butt to set up. Well, now I'm not so sure which is more of a pain in the butt.

The other night while discussing our friend's internet plan, the topic of a "provedor" came up. I thought this meant provider... like the company that provides your internet connection, but no, this is the company that you contract to provide you access to the internet that is provided by another company.

WHAT?

Yes. In Brazil you need to pay your internet fee (usually something like $60-$100 reais/month) to have a DSL line and then you have to contract ANOTHER company to PROVIDE YOU ACCESS to this internet service you ALREADY PAY FOR. This can range from R$3-R$10 depending on the company, if you see ads the whole time, if you want unlimited access to the videocams on Big Brother Brasil....)

I know, right?

I couldn't believe this. It is true malendragem. Welcome to Brazil.

Alright, well we found out that our only internet provider here in Ji-Paraná also has a contract with various companies of this sort and with your first year of internet service it is included, so no harm done, for now. Of course I didn't know why I chose one of the companies, it was the only company name I recognized, and hell, its free, and its required to have access to the internet. (I chose R7.)

Anyhow, after spending an hour on the phone setting up this whole internet deal (and now, to my surprise I finally have my CPF (or Brazilian-style Social Security number) memorized) I thought I had successfully completed this entire fiasco of setting up my internet. I had to get to one of my tutoring sessions and H had to go drink tereré, so we left our housekeeper in control of the house.

When we got home she said the phone was RINGING OFF THE HOOK while we were gone. She got so irritated she unplugged the phone and as soon as I plugged it back in, it rang again. I answered it and I was informed that it was a representative of the telephone company and that they needed to process the final payment of R$60, of course, for my convenience, it would be processed in three easy payments on my credit card, and I was informed that there were no possibilities for discounts or to put it on my telephone bill. I had to pay it NOW or I wouldn´t be able to access the internet.

Okay. Once I added up the following things:

1. I had been told that I had no more fees to pay when I hung up the phone earlier in the day with the phone company
2. She insisted that without this payment I would not be able to use my internet
3. The payment NEEDED to be on a credit card
4. She just seemed all around PUSHY
5. I've lived almost one year in Brazil

I decided to ask to speak to her manager. Immediately she said "Okay, well, if we need anything we will call you back, thanks!" and hung up. No more calls since. 

Of course I called back the telephone company, complained, told them that if this ever happens again we will cancel or internet service (which doesn't really scare anyone since there is no competition here...) but I was proud that I was able to handle the situation, in a foreign language, on the telephone. 

Success. Becky managed to avoid being scammed.

What made me sad, and had me upset all day, is that I imagined all of the people who fall victim to this scam. Especially since Brazil is going through a huge technology revolution and many people are getting internet in their homes for the first time, and most Brazilians, even though they live in a country full of scams, they simply don't know how to tell if it is a scam or not, and are terrified of questioning authority. (Thanks, Catholic Church.) Brazilians like to accept their suffering as a necessity and inevitable and I just don't agree with this. (Once again, thanks, Catholic Church.)

In order to illustrate this "acceptance," take a look at what happened in Rio last week. Three buildings fell down due to renovations that were being done WITHOUT A CONTRACTED ENGINEER TO OVERSEE THE RENOVATIONS and people died. See this article from Reuters in English.

Again, WHAT?

Everyone in my husbands family, while we watched the news, talked about how its just something that happens. How you're born with an expiration date and there's nothing you can do about it. That people die because it was time. I just can't accept that it was the "time" for all of those people. There was a man on the news talking about how he was on MSN with his wife who was taking a computer class in the building at the time the buildings fell. He said that she just stopped responding. I have a hard time believing that it was "her time". The people in charge of the renovations were CARELESS and SELF-CONCERNED and didn't follow the correct protocols. If there is anything that we need to learn from this catastrophe, it is not that "it was their time" but that there needs to be efficient oversight, less bureaucracy and less malandragem. Most of the people who died in this tragedy were people who were trying to make a better life for themselves. They were taking computer or English classes AT NIGHT, meaning, they already have jobs during the day and were taking time off of being with their families and friends for a better future. How is it that it was "their time." Lives have been forever altered because of the ignorance of the person who gave the "go ahead" on the construction that ended in what looked like 9/11.

And finally, I was watching what appeared to be an interesting debate about mandatory voting on the Catholic TV station that broadcasts here. It is a national station, I believe, since the production was really well done. Anyhow, during the debate one of the participants expressed how he believed that Christians should avoid at all costs getting involved in Politics because they will be tempted by evil and sin.

Once again, my reaction was WHAT?

In the words of one of my wisest advisers in college, in order to make something better, you have to get your hands dirty and get inside. That is how you make change.

Dr. G, I still agree, and it is one of the reasons that when I start to become disillusioned with all of the madness here in Brazil, I also get re-energized. I'm here to start those conversations, to inspire my students to read the paper, to CRITICIZE AUTHORITY and to ANALYZE INFORMATION. Not to just accept the status quo. I don't think all tragedies happen because "it was time" but I think in many cases it is an opportunity for us to see what is really happening and to make the changes necessary so they STOP HAPPENING. One of my fellow bloggers, and fellow American-Turned-Rondoniense at Titia Amor is the best example of this. She sees a dog suffering in the street and schedules meetings with the school director and local veterinarian to put together a plan to end animal suffering in her small town. She gets on the radio and talks about it and makes entire lesson plans about the subject for her students (as well as tons of other things. See an interesting post about what she's up to here.). That is exactly what Dr. G was talking about, and it is what I am trying to do, as well.

In closing of this blog post, I hate scams. I hate malandragem. These are two things that kill me about Brazil. But what I hate more, is acceptance of the above. It's just not right. Any religion or society that teaches acceptance of these societal ills needs to be reevaluated and updated for the times. Change is coming, I just hope it comes sooner than later.

(PS-I don't mean to denounce Catholicism or Christianity in this article, what I am upset about is the culture that came along with it that has plagued Latin America since colonialization. The form of the religion that was taught here by early Spanish and Portuguese was that it is necessary to suffer and you need to smile and don't ask questions. Unfortunately, it still thrives throughout the entire region.)

A Song for Your Saturday!

So I'm going to try to make this whole blog thing a bit more exciting by making at least two days of the week some type of featured entry. I've decided that Saturdays are for songs that I'm lovin' and want to share. I'll try to keep the majority of them Brazilian for my US based readers, but I can't promise that won't happen every week.

This week I'm loving this song by Claudia Leitte, "Preto." Not only is she gorgeous, the song is hysterical but true.

"Preto se você me der amor,
tudo de mim você terá.
Preto se você pisar na bola,
boto outro no seu lugar!  

Porque o carro é meu,
O celular é meu,
O silicone é meu,
Não foi você quem deu  

Tô cheia do vazio
Do que me prometeu
Quem Manda Em Mim Sou Eu..." 

The song talks about how she is an independent woman, how she's in control of her own life and is willing to "switch out her man" for another if he "steps on the ball again" (or messes up). I love the last sentence there... Quem manda em mim sou eu! (Basically, it means that she is the only one who can tell her what to do.) It's a fun song to sing while you're cleaning the house!

The song reminds me of an article that was put out by the National Geographic awhile ago about the new Brazilian Woman of today. (If you haven't read it check it out here.) Brazil is undergoing huge social transformations and it's exciting to be here witnessing all of this first hand!